He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im holly from the hills drunk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
