He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
