I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
