Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
