life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
