Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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