I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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