for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
