Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize
