you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
