I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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