pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
soo... how was my night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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