You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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