I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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