its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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