Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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