miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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