Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
