Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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