I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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