ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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