i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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