They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
