i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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