Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
