that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
