she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
