You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
