May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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