Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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