She's JV to your varsity
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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