I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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