I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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