If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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