the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
