Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want nice things and good sex
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
