I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
