She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
