I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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