he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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