Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
