someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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