I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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