Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
