I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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