I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
