I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
