Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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