I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
