I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
