He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
