Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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