my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
