It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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