wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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