I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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