words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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