One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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