I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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