just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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