Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
