Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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