I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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