Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
