I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
