We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
