Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
