So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
