no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
