As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
