I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
