What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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