Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
