Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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