I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
pray to the hookup gods
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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