she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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