I wanna bring you to show and tell
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
